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A Message From Sarah Miller |
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| "There is a code of silence that each victim of domestic violence, rape and stalking live by. It is a legacy we pass down from one victim to the next. This has been a victim's dirty little secret long enough. I will not pass this down. The legacy stops here." | |||
| Sarah Miller, April, 2000 |
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Silence. It was a deafening force in my life until last year. Silence about the child molestation that was inflicted upon me. Silence about the abuse and violence in my marriages and, worst of all, silence about the rape and stalking at the hands of my therapist when I finally reached out for help. For the victim, this silence is not only deafening, it is defining and dehumanizing. In 1999, I traveled from New York City to the Capital District for treatment by a therapist, a specialist in addictions and abuse. By the end of the first month, this therapist had confined me to his rodent infested basement. By the end of the third month, he had raped and sodomized me so badly that I needed surgery. I got out and I ran. After the surgery, I settled into a little apartment where I should have been safe. Should have been. He started with phone calls to my family, telling them the names of every person who had helped me move into that little apartment. He had watched the whole thing from some unseen point. He called them to tell them I had belongings at his house. He even called them to tell them I should still be in therapy with him. Then he started calling me. I let an answering machine screen my calls but, for a while, it was enough for him to listen to my outgoing message and then hang up. When I traced those calls, he started using payphones. Before long, he was driving past my apartment numerous times every day. Then he started parking his car there and watching. Watching and waiting for me to leave, to come to the window, to fall apart. He started following me to stores and blocking my car in with his. I belonged to a twelve step group and his friends, convicts straight out of prison for violent crimes, would show up in those twelve step meetings and sit shoulder to shoulder with me. I even found a pit bull locked in my backyard and had to have the police remove it. He had already tried to kill me once. I knew he was capable of it again. I was ready to break my silence. With a legal advocate from a women's shelter, I went to the police. There was nothing they could do. You see, this was in November of 1999. The New York State Stalking Law was not due to take effect for another month. I didn't think my stalker was going to let me live that long. So I ran again. This time authorities relocated me far away from the Capital District. It has meant breaking contact with everyone that tried to help or befriend me. It has meant a life of hiding. And it has been necessary. To this day, there are unexplained phone calls to crisis agencies demanding my whereabouts. YOU HAVE BETTER CHOICES. The new stalking law is thorough, severe and is being used effectively by prosecutors all over the state. Massive training and ongoing education efforts have made our law enforcement and judicial teams aware of the best ways to handle these cases. Stalkers are going to jail. Victims are being protected. Think you're not really a victim? Ask yourself this, is there someone who won't stop calling even after you've told him (or her) not to? Is there someone who turns up where you are with alarming regularity? Has he shown up or called your job? Left gifts or notes on your car? Your doorstep? Most importantly, are you afraid? I didn't think I was a stalking victim either. To me, that was a celebrity or other public figure. To me, a stalker was someone one step removed from a psychiatric facility. How wrong I was! Most stalking victims are every day people like you and me. Most stalkers behave perfectly rationally around everyone except you. It is not flattery. It is stalking and it could ultimately cost you your life. Get help. Use the law I wish had been there for me. Break the silence.
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Sarah Miller is the author of the forthcoming book, "A Legacy of Silence", published by GreyCore Press and expected for release in the fall of 2001. She is also a regular speaker for the United States Department of Justice and the Capital District Anti-Stalking Task Force. |
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