The dictionary defines survivor as "one who continues to exist or to stay alive." While that simply states the obvious, it in no way explains the path a survivor must travel in order to achieve the outcome. Everyone's survival story is different and everyone's journey has its unique qualities but there is one thing we all share. What we share is that someone we knew and trusted betrayed us. Someone we knew and trusted threatened our existence and our safety.

Someone we knew and trusted put other members of our family in jeopardy. Someone we knew and trusted determined that their way of looking at certain situations was the only way. This same person decided that unless we agreed, gave in and remained silent, we would have to pay the ultimate price.

I dated him for over two years. It was the first long-term relationship I had had since my divorce. I trusted this man with my inner most thoughts and feelings and certainly thought I knew him. Then one day, with one call from the police, my world fell apart. They had a tape of him vandalizing private property and they needed my assistance with identification. I believed him when he said that it was just a misunderstanding and therefore I strongly encouraged him to go directly to the police. After contacting the police, he accused me of forcing his hand. Our last telephone conversations were full of arguments and threats. When I hung up on him for the last time his words were ringing in my ears, "If I go down I'm taking you with me" and "I will make you as afraid as I am." I didn't realize that he was about to turn my world upside down; that I was going to be terrorized beyond my wildest imagination and that the next three years of my life would become a living hell.

The harassment began with letters and then progressed to phone calls. He contacted personnel in my school district and spread lies about my activities. He told them that I had actually committed 'his crime'. On numerous occasions he contacted the superintendent of schools and when he didn't get the response he was seeking, he contacted the State Education Department of Teacher Discipline in an effort to have my license revoked. He began calling local businesses I frequented in an effort to get my new unlisted telephone number. Eventually he succeeded and my home phone started ringing.

He would call fifteen or twenty times in a row, several times each day. Some days his calls numbered over 70. Call Trace failed every time I tried it. There were periods when I couldn't use my own phone because his obsessive behavior tied up my lines. Several months later he began harassing my elderly parents and my adult children by phone. His harassment continued until he was arrested two years later and then it was another ten months before I faced him in the courtroom at his sentencing.

I kept a journal from the beginning. I wrote down all the details of early phone calls when they were fresh in my mind. I had the people he contacted write statements about their conversations. I kept a log of all of the phone calls noting the dates and times of every call. I went to the police and filed a report. I went for private therapy. I had an alarm system installed with outside motion detectors. I constantly alerted my friends, neighbors and family of my schedule and checked in with them several times a day. My friends were always available to sleep over or run errands for me. I was instrumental in starting a support group through which I met an advocate. Whenever I was uncertain of what to do next I called my advocate and heeded her advice. And finally I began speaking out about this crime. I caught the attention of our local District Attorney and he pursued my case until its conclusion.

For me, telling everyone and not being silent gave me the greatest feeling of security. Did all the things I did to help myself stop me from being afraid? No, they did not; but they did give me the courage to continue and they did assist the authorities in getting a conviction. Somewhere I heard the expression, "Courage is taking positive action while facing your greatest fears" and I wrote it down on several index cards. I placed one by my bed, on the inside of my front door and on the visor of my car. These words were an inspiration to me and helped me face each new day.

If you are logged on to this website you have begun to take steps toward protecting and helping yourself. Do not keep silent! Please remember that no one has the right to intentionally and maliciously cause you to be afraid or fear for your safety. No one has the right to exercise control and power over you so that they can maintain contact.

You have rights! You have the right to say NO! You have the right to break off a relationship in which you don't want to be involved! You have the right to protection under the law! You have the right to go on with your life!

If my story or what I have done can help you in any way, then my journey to hell and back was not in vain. I used to think that I was alone and, right now, you too may feel that way. In reality, though, we are never alone. There is always someone out there who can assist. There is always someone out there who is willing to help, even if it's just by writing their own survival story.